Whoa! It's been a long time!

So...
My life took an interesting and destructive turn, and now I'm back.... pretty much exactly where I left off, with the exception of a few things...

This year, a friend and I trained (and ran!) in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation 5k. I've been wanting to do it for 7 or 8 years, but never got around to it... But May 11th, 2008, I did it! (yes, I am terribly giddy proud about it....)

I did gain some weight, but since January I am down about 25 pounds, settling in at 260.

I'm still in need of one or several weight loss buddies, so let me know!

I also joined a really great weight loss site (that's free!):

www.sparkpeople.com

Check it out!

Learning to love....

yourself!

I want to know all the ways you have learned to love yourself! Mine will follow...

Psychology of weight loss....

So, in continuation of the previous Psychology of weight loss posting, this is the next question to ask yourselves....
Remembering back to when you first started getting "chubby", what significant life changing event could have triggered a pattern towards weight gain?
As usual, the following post will be my personal answers. Now, though, I would like to challenge you all to examine the "Why?", and to find someone you trust to talk to about it. Please don't bring your innermost thoughts and concerns to the people in your life that will crush your spirit, it only makes things worse. Personally, I am seeing a therapist, and would recommend it to most people. The great part about working through my not-so-functional areas with a professional is that they are trained to be proactive, set goals, provide accountability, and be that nuetral party that won't judge you on the years of interpersonal shortcomings between friends and family members. If, however, you have a wise, trustworthy, encouring person in your life to talk to, that's wonderful! Cherish them!
The reason I encourage the "why", is because not only will becoming emotionally and mentally healthy aid in your weight loss, but in all areas of your life.
I would love to hear from you on this subject, please leave your thoughts and stories.

I am afraid to lose weight because...

Well, on a strictly superficial level, I am terrified of the saggy skin effect. I am afraid that even after I put in all the work to lose weight and be healthy, I might actually look WORSE when I look in the mirror stark naked. If anyone has any secrets to keeping toned skin after a large weight loss.....PLEASE SHARE! :) I am afraid that after all the work of losing the weight, I will gain it all back (plus some). I am afraid that whatever addiction I might have that keeps me self-destructing my body and keeping me fat, will shift to something else equally or more harmful to me. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid of the new found attention being "thin and beautiful" will hazard. (By no means do I think that thin is solely equivalent to beauty...) I am afraid people will want to know me because they like my appearance, and don't care about, and don't want to know, who I am. I am afraid the person I love (me) will change into someone I don't like. I am afraid that inevitably SOMEONE will comment every time I eat a piece of chocolate. I am afraid of being loved on the condition of my thinness. I am afraid of losing all the beautiful things I have learned about people and life and what really matters, by experiencing this life as the fat girl...

Psychology of weight loss...

I've decided to probe the psychological aspects of being overweight, and I would like to have input from whoever would like to comment. We all know the varying effects that being "fat" has on a person's emotional and mental state, however I would still like to hear about it from you all. I want to know what you like, love, hate, and just don't care about being fat. On the flip side, I would also like to hear your responses to the following thought: I am afraid to lose weight because......
Please really think about this one. I really want to know what thoughts stop you all from losing the weight. Forget about diet and exercise, I want to hear why you are afraid to be thin (or just thinner, because "thin" is subjective). The following blog will be my extremely personal answers to this blog. Thanks!

Competition....

So, I'm thinking that in order to find substantial motivation, I am going to need one or more people in my life to compete with in this weight loss goal.... Anyone out there interested? We could set up some fun rewards, and really have a good time supporting each other...

History....

So, I guess you could say the I grew up as the quintessential "fat girl". I started to get chubby towards middle school age, and just kept getting bigger. I struggled some with bulimia around age 15 and was terrified out of it when I learned that your esophagus can burst open because of the stomach acid. It sounded like a much too painful way to die.... So, at 16, I chose to follow the very popular "low fat diet". I restricted myself to less than 10 grams of fat per day. I exercised every day (Cindy Crawford aerobic videos!) and in two months I had lost 40 pounds. I weighed 185 pounds.

Then, I got sick...I was hospitalized with fainting spells (diagnosed as vasovagal syncope, a stress or trigger induced loss of consciousness), and I knew I had to stop starving my body.

By high school graduation, I was back up to about 230 pounds. Off to college... Typically, for females, college brings on the onslaught of the "freshmen 15", but as for me, I lost 15 pounds. I was eating at least three regular meals a day, and they were (relatively) healthy for me.

By the spring of 2001, I had ballooned up to 273. I started a high fiber, low glycemic index diet, and I lost 35 pounds.

And then I got lazy... I was feeling better, so I cut myself some slack... I kept the weight off for a long time, but I didn't lose anymore.

Then, in April of 2005, I (accidentally) got pregnant. Over the course of nine months, I gained only 10 pounds, and actually left the hospital after delivery at 15 pounds less than before I was pregnant, ending up at about 240. So, after giving up breastfeeding (my daughter was intolerant), I packed on the weight again. I never knew how fast a person could gain! Within six months, I was at 284 pounds, my highest EVER.....

After some half-hearted attempts to get healthy, I have lost some weight...

Currently, I weigh 265 pounds....